Optimus Alive! 2011

PARAMORE E THE PRETTY RECKLESS NO ALIVE!

Eu ainda tenho de convencer os meus pais a ir aos dois dias, mas bem quero arranjar maneira. E se não conseguir ir aos dois dias, vou pelo menos ver os Paramore dia 9. Eu quase fui a Londres num dia de aulas para os ver, portanto não perco isto por nada.

(A única coisa que faltava para me porem com ainda menos dinheiro do que aquele que tenho era trazerem os Panic! At The Disco a Portugal *.*)

High School Never Ends.

Hi, my name is Catarina. I am sixteen years old and I think I'm a normal teenager. I make a lot of stupid faces without thinking about the consequences of it. I also eat a lot of chocolate, and I don't think about its consequences either, unfortunately. 
I also love photography, modeling and photo editing. Even though I may not be good at any of the three. There are a lot of teenagers who like to go to the beach and the pool, getting tanned and swimming. And I am very sorry to disappoint you but I am actually one of those. I am not skinny nor fat. I consider myself to have a very normal weight, but my body shape is very specific. My hips are large and so are my legs. I usually say my legs are fat, but I can't really fight genetics. 

Well, I have many insecurities and low self-esteem. It isn't something people should joke about. And people make friendly jokes about me without knowing how much they will affect me. And they usually affect me a lot. I hate it when people call me fat, even if they are just playing around, because that makes me feel fat, it makes me feel that I should change my body, when I know I shouldn't. I
I don't like when people call me stupid either, because that just makes me feel I'm dumb and t makes me feel like my brain can't process what I learn in order to get better grades. 
When people say I'm ugly, I just fucking hate myself. I never in my sixteen years of life looked at the mirror and said 'Damn, I'm beautiful.' Never. So, when people say 'You're ugly.' I just feel like I could die, because my face isn't the typical Hollywood pretty face that most teenage girls want to have. 

I have a unique personality and I usually tell myself it's great to be different, but other times, people just make me feel excluded and ignored for not thinking the way they think. And it is horrible when you live in a city full of people who think alike and you're the only one with different ideas and tastes (in like, everything). Don't take me wrong, because, with time, I've learned to love the city and the people who live here.

Things aren't easy because I've moved towns two and a half years ago and I can only go to my home town once a week. Or once a month in school tests season. I have three best friends, two of them, Mariana and Maria, live in Porto (my home town) and the other one, Cátia, lives in Guarda. Guarda is like fucking Shrek's Far Far Away. I miss them everyday. Nothing is easy for me. I actually have a lot of the things I could ask for, but since I'm a teenage girl who lives in a 'developed' (what-a-joke-of-a) country I tend to want whatever I can't get. I usually feel depressed, and I cry a lot before I go to sleep. And that makes me feel stupid and horrible when I remember all those poor kids who'd LOVE to have a pen and paper to draw or learn how to write and read.

Today I was watching a documentary about Angelina Jolie. You have no idea how much I want to be like her. She is amazing. 
My dream careers are Music and Acting. (I'd also love Psychology to help those who feel depressed and bad about themselves, like me.) 
I would also love to help people who don't have drinkable water or food. Help those who don't have any medicines. Take the ones who can't protect themselves and get them safe, away from the wars going on in their countries. 

I never ever thought of being a mother, but seeing Angelina change her life and helping kids, made me think again. What if I adopt, when I financially stable? Adopting kids so I can help them is noble, I think. 


I love helping people because I know what it is to feel bad. I've lost my paternal and maternal grandfathers, even though I barely knew my paternal grandfather, I love him. And I love my maternal grandfather who left when I was five or six. I have never even met my paternal grandmother (she died when my dad was 14), but I love her too. My maternal grandmother is still alive and me and my little sister (she's 6), we both love her to death. I've lost my Godfather. He protected me a lot through my life and I loved him. And I still do. 
I know what it is to really lose important people to death. I don't know what it is to lose a mother, a father, or a brother or sister. Not even a cousin. And I hope I'll never know. 

I know what it is to have to move out of your city all of a sudden and have to make new friends. I also know how to overcome your hate for that new city, if you ever hate it. I know what it is to have high expectations of yourself and not being able to reach your goal. It's very frustrating. I was blessed with liberal and understanding parents who don't get (too) mad at me for my mistakes (and I am also lucky to be responsible and not liking to mess up real bad).
But I still want to be the perfect daughter, even though I can't. 




That's why I like helping people. I know some of common teenage dramas, and I have tried to overcome them. But people don't like to talk serious to me. Sometimes it feels like people just like me because it's convenient at some times, to joke, and to have someone to laugh with. 

Not that I don't like to have someone to laugh with, but I'd like to have friends to talk with. 




Well, this is just me. A girl who wants to be like Angelina Jolie and ruin Hollywood's objective of beauty just because it is kind of ridiculous. Being anorexic in no joke, and they make it look like it's something good. 
I would like to change the world. But I can't. So I'll start with changing some minds.

Love, Catarina.